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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147455">Heartache</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treeni/pseuds/Treeni'>Treeni</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Soulmate September [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lomoceit, M/M, Pining, Romantic Soulmates, Spoilers, Swearing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:55:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,632</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147455</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Treeni/pseuds/Treeni</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to “The Limitation of Initial Responses”</p><p>Janus and Logan are both dating Patton, but not each other. Patton’s a tiny bit pushy in the most well-meaning of ways, Logan’s been... inexplicably sweet and Janus is trying to balance his confusing new feelings, his relationship with Patton, and the slight edge of jealousy he can’t quite stifle.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Soulmate September [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1906129</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Illogical Desires</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This wasn’t supposed to be the first sequel out, but brain did brain things with the new episode. Also I just really like these three.</p><p>This chapter is edited, please gently yell at me about any mistakes.</p><p>This takes place during "Flirting With Social Anxiety" and while there will be no spoilers for it in this chapter, there will be spoilers for it in chapter 2.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Patton wandered out of his room that morning, bleary eyed and relieved to stretch his legs after a full night of stillness as he walked down the hall. He was in a time crunch after all. As he meandered, the common space had a hushed peacefulness to it that was so rare to find during the day in the bustle of many bodies who all had things to do. A tiny smile tugged at the corner of Patton’s mouth when he confirmed that no light streamed from the anxious side’s room. Patton was glad that Virgil had eventually made it to sleep that night.</p><p>The fatherly side wouldn’t disturb him.</p><p>He smiled more fully when he could see from the back window a figure already sat waiting for him. Patton quickened his steps and rushed out the door to the deck that overlooked his little garden. Off to the side of the deck was a multi-seat padded swing. It was gothic looking with black iron decals and deep grey cushions and stood out against the rustic, natural wood and fairy-tale like atmosphere that Roman had slowly built up over the years. While it didn’t necessarily look as if it belonged in its surroundings, Janus lounged on one side of the swing, swaying gently back and forth as if it were made for him. In truth, it probably was. The furniture piece was just there one morning, the day after Remus happened to be out most of the night and found the couple perched on the deck rails together. Most things that Remus made either looked incredibly modern or was so old looking that it was decayed in some way. This however? Looked very much like something adjacent to his dark style without quite matching it as it had a somewhat antique, classy form to it that seemed completely devoid of any degeneration.</p><p>As Janus and Patton had first begun to watch the sunrises together, Patton had contemplated asking Roman to create something for them, but hadn’t dared to actually request it. The emotional side’s relationship with Roman was still... complicated. On the surface things had gotten better, Roman smiled at him and shared jokes with him and pretended everything was fine, but none of the joy reached his eyes when Patton was around. Virgil didn’t even try to put up a pretense. He made it clear they were still strictly in <em>‘I still love you, but I am upset with you,’ </em>nebulous zone.</p><p>Patton found it was a little bit exhausting constantly worrying about two people who were clearly trying to avoid him. The self-deprecating disappointment felt like it was eating him alive sometimes. He had tried <em>so</em> hard to be what they needed, to know what was right, but he didn’t. He could only hold true to what he <em>thought</em> was right, even if it didn’t necessarily <em>feel</em> that way. He had tried to be the strength they all needed in their doubts and ultimately? He had failed them. It wasn’t their fault, really. He could have been more honest in his uncertainty and had more poise against rebuttals, but he acted rashly. He wasn’t <em>designed</em> to work alone. Once upon a time, it had been him and Janus who always worked together, balancing each other. Then it became him and Logan as the pair tried desperately to fill in the gaps left behind by the missing sides.</p><p>Patton tried frantically to get someone else to take the lead from him. He had longed for Logan’s physical presance, and had tried to give over control even to the “digital version” of his then friend, but when the logical side had disagreed with him? Morality panicked.</p><p>The unfortunate truth was, that Logan was, not <em>always</em>, but <em>usually</em> right. However, his disagreement at that time meant that Patton was probably <em>wrong</em> and if he was wrong, then he had robbed Roman and Thomas of their <em>dream</em>. In that split second decision that he has long since regretted, Patton couldn’t face that possibility. In trying to repress his own fears, he had silenced Logan and it wasn’t fair.</p><p>Patton sometimes wondered how that day would have gone had Logan just shown up in person rather than reducing his own input to factual asides.</p><p>It seemed like Logan was trying to move past it all. Sure, Patton had regrets, but a lot had transpired in the time since then. Patton certainly hoped that Logan hadn’t begun their relationship with feelings of resentment. Logan had always been surprisingly understanding for someone who pretended to be devoid of feelings. His anger tended to burn brightly for a short time, but once it dissipated he was quick to forgive. A quirk of the logical side was that while he appreciated honest apologies, he usually forgave before even receiving them after having quietly considered the others’ perspectives on his own terms. In addition, Logan seemed to have his own regrets about how he handled himself recently against Janus and with Patton. If there was one person the mind didn’t forgive easily, it was himself.</p><p>Maybe they were all just messes deep down.</p><p>Big messes who made mistakes and were all just trying their best.</p><p>Speaking of doing their best....</p><p>“Good morning love,” Janus murmured with tiny sleepy half-smile on his face, having seen Patton wander his way. “I <em>didn’t</em> make your favorite.”</p><p>The preservative side reached toward a small wooden side table and lifted a large mug topped with half-melted whipped cream and passed it Patton’s way. It was decorated with chocolate shavings with a peppermint stick on the side and was probably absolutely gorgeous when it was created. Janus’ extraness bled into all things he did it seemed, but warmth pooled in the emotional side’s chest every time. Patton thought there was something nice about knowing he was someone Janus wanted to do special things for.</p><p>“You’re sweet,” Patton said with a grin and took a sip. It was delicious and as sweet as its creator was. However, Patton narrowed his eyes slightly with a brow raised when Janus pointed an incredulous and doubtful look his way. “You know that right?”</p><p>“I am <em>dangerous</em> and <em>dastardly</em>, my love,” Janus said with a smirk, automatically scooting against Patton's side as the heart took his seat. He pulled Patton’s free arm around himself and leaned into his shoulder before declaring, “<em>Not a sweet thing about me</em>.”</p><p>Patton let out a hearty chuckle and set his drink aside to wrap his arms around Janus more tightly. For a while, the two just sat together, taking in the fresh air of the forest covered mountains that the mindscape decided to form that morning as the first signs of orange and pink peeked out from over the distant trees. The pair did their best to simply enjoy the sunrise for what it was and ignore the grey, looming clouds that hung threateningly to one side of it all. Most of the mindscape was in a flux, with a new environment almost every day. Anything they wanted to stay, they had to create a specific work around that separated that thing from the shifting effects. Logan had a hill he liked to visit when he needed some time away from the others, Roman had a lake he would visit to unwind after finishing a big project, and Patton had his garden. The clouds staying on their own though?</p><p>That wasn’t really a good sign.</p><p>Still, when Patton stared at them just a little too long, Janus reached up a hand and gently pulled Patton out of his thoughts and down to his level as he slowly moved in to press a kiss to his partner’s lips, leaving ample time for Patton to pull away if he wanted to.</p><p>He didn’t.</p><p>As far as distractions went, this was a particularly good one. Patton smiled into the kiss, letting himself get lost in the feeling of warmth. If it were another morning, Patton would have pressed a little harder or nibbled a little playfully, something to drive what always started gently into something a little bit <em>more</em>, but that morning? Patton simply enjoyed the sleepy comforting kiss for what it was. When Janus pulled away, he immediately leaned back into his spot on Patton’s shoulder and Patton let his head rest against Janus’ own.</p><p>“I missed this,” one of them whispered into the quiet, peaceful atmosphere of the morning.</p><p>It didn’t really matter which one said it because after a moment, the other simply responded, “me too,” through a contented sigh.</p><p>Clouds or not, <em>this</em> was a beautiful morning.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Janus rapped his gloved knuckles twice against the ultramarine door with a fresh cup of coffee at the ready. It was a quarter to eight that morning and Logan would have usually wandered into the kitchen by now. Typically he helped set the table before breakfast had finished being prepared. The odd occasions logical side was absent from breakfast was usually only when Thomas had some particularly late nights working, specifically on research. However, today was supposed to be a break day (the kind that Janus had insisted Thomas start incorporating into his schedule) so in turn, Logan himself<em> should</em> have also had some free time where he wasn’t worrying about research or schedules. At least, theoretically speaking. Logan wasn’t necessary great at actually relaxing <em>during </em>said free time. The logical side had a tendency of unnecessarily overworking himself, often to the point of exhaustion. If Roman thought their resident nerd judged him harshly, he had likely never noticed the standards Logan held himself to.</p><p>“Looogaaan~ if you don’t answer the door soon I <em>won’t </em>just have to come in anywaaaay~,” Janus said in a not-quite singing voice, but not quite <em>not</em> either as he knocked against the door a second time.</p><p>Keeping still, Janus listened for any signs of life coming from the bedroom. It sounded like there was some kind of vague shuffling noise, but nothing loud enough to be identifiable, and certainly nothing like footsteps coming toward the door.</p><p>Janus tipped his hat over his eyes and, trusting Logan’s room to be clean enough to navigate, he followed through with his promise to barge in. The deceptive side took slow, slightly hesitant steps as he blindly made his way forward in the general direction he knew the bed was.</p><p>“If you have anything to hide, you probably <em>shouldn’t</em> do it now,” Janus said, inching ever forward. After a moment, he felt his shoe meet the wood of the nightstand and was able to maneuver close enough to set down the coffee without knocking over a lamp, as he sightlessly felt around for an empty spot. “I know Remus swears you have a collection of-”</p><p>Janus was abruptly cut off from continuing that line of conversation as his face was suddenly met with a projectile pillow that effectively silenced him while simultaneously knocking his bowler hat to the floor.</p><p>Well, at least he could see now.</p><p>Janus stood still, blinking away the fuzzy rainbow distortion that getting hit in the face (even harmlessly) often caused. As his vision cleared, he could see Logan sitting up at the edge of his bed, taking a slow sip of the coffee as he stared up at Janus underneath sleepy, half-hooded eyes. The tiniest tug of a smile at the corner of his mouth was a enough of a sign that Logan was, thankfully, more amused than annoyed at Janus’ trespassing.</p><p>Janus let the fang on the snake half of his face dig into the soft flesh of his inner cheek while he tried very hard not to think too hard about how Logan’s rare, lens-free stare was making his chest thump or how he longed to reach for the table again to stabilize himself because he was feeling a little weak in the ankles at that tiny, fond smile. When Logan took a second, larger drink of coffee, gulping it down now that he had checked the temperature was safe, Janus pointedly looked at the wall behind him. The snake side had no intention of being caught dry-mouthed and unable to retort if he got caught staring at the bob of Logan’s adam’s apple as he-</p><p>So about that NASA poster on the wall huh?</p><p>“Thank you,” Logan murmured, before retrieving his glasses from the nightstand and replacing them to their spot on the bridge of his nose.</p><p>Janus wordlessly nodded, trying to stifle the breath that was caught in his throat at the grateful look he received as Logan caught his eyes once more. There was something stifling to the atmosphere around them, it felt heavy and thick with things that neither side dared speak yet, but there was certainly <em>something</em> there. It just wasn’t clear exactly <em>what</em> yet. What kind of relationship was one meant to have with their partner’s partner who is also apparently <em>their</em> soulmate too? His and Logan’s most recent competitive debacle had crashed at their collective feet, burning in a million small pieces like many of Remus’ more explosive art installations.</p><p>Thankfully, the heart was blessedly forgiving.</p><p>Once they had come to an agreement that the situation didn’t have to be <em>or</em>, that it could be <em>and</em>, actually starting a romantic relationship with Patton had been easy, intuitive even. Their bond had come from a place of familiarity. Many of their dates were spent simultaneously reminiscing while meeting each other all over again. Janus had noticed that Patton spent much of his time trying to take care of the other sides, so much though, that he often neglected himself. It had been so natural for the deceptive to step in and fulfill that role once more. Janus found it was nearly instinctive for him to check in with the emotional side, relationship or not. There was this familiar need to protect itching just under the surface of the skin, particularly when that unfocused, forlorn look occasionally set into Patton’s eyes. It was those times that Janus found himself asking about Patton’s scrap book or inviting him on walks. Sometimes Janus even put together a snack plate for the heart with Patton’s favorite cookies paired with a tall glass of milk when Roman or Virgil lied again that things between them and Patton were <em>fine</em>.</p><p>Things of course, were <em>not</em> fine.</p><p>Of the three sides that Patton tried inflicting his parental tendencies on, it was <em>Remus</em> who was currently the most receptive and that was <em>never</em> a good sign.</p><p>“Thinking about Virgil again?” Logan asked suddenly, still seemingly half-asleep. Janus tried not to watch him too closely as he stretched his arms over his head before rolling the stiffness from his shoulders.</p><p>“You’ve been awake five minutes, how could you <em>possibly</em> know that?”</p><p>“Did you know the scales around your eyes fluctuate when you worry? Which I have also noticed is most of the time.”</p><p>“I <em>do not</em> worry <em>most-” </em>Janus started defensively.</p><p>“Roughly sixty-two percent of the time you are worrying about Thomas, Virgil, Remus, and more recently, Patton,” Logan said, opening the drawer to his bedside table to pull out a notebook as he flipped it open. “I have a chart.”</p><p>Janus stared lamely at the page that had that had a color-coded, gridded, bar chart titled “Preservation’s Concerns” that he could fill in as he collected data that compared time spent and frequency with people. There were large blotted in sections in purple, cyan, green, and black for Thomas, with question marks above the remaining names (including his own). To the right of it was a tiny pie chart that converted the data from the bar chart into percentages that looked as if it had been covered over with white out and remade a few times.</p><p>“Of course, my data is incomplete given that this is taken exclusively from my own experiences with you.”</p><p>It took everything in Janus not to let his jaw drop. This was the kind of thing that had the deceptive side avoiding Logan back in the day. He had once found it unnerving how Logan seemed to know everything, but as he sat on the bed holding his chart with a sleepy, but slightly proud smile on his face, Janus could almost imagine a tail whapping the bed excitedly. In that moment, he reminded Janus of nothing so much as a puppy presenting their favorite toy.</p><p>It was... kind of adorable?</p><p>Okay, it was still a little unnerving knowing that Logan paid that close of attention to him but also, <em>Logan was paying attention to him</em>. He gulped slightly at the thought, trying to push away the possible implications. Janus crossed his arms and lifted his chin slightly with a forced smirk to regain some kind of control over his stupid, racing heart.</p><p>“I <em>never </em>suspected those glasses were fake,” Janus said grinning. “Who knew that logic was hiding the fact that he was <em>spying</em> this whole time?”</p><p>Janus had to hold back a frown when Logan’s shoulders slumpped slightly as he set the notebook down in his lap, looking slightly embarrassed and maybe a bit... guilty?</p><p><em>That</em> wasn’t really the reaction Janus had been going for. Janus had been expecting something a little more... firey?</p><p>“My stigmatism is minor compared to Patton’s. Also, your scales are reflective. Even with slightly blurred vision I can still see the light shifting on them as your expression changes.”</p><p>“Something I <em>definitely won’t</em> try to find a solution for later.”</p><p>“It would be a shame if you did,” Logan said with the same air as he stated most facts, “They are beautiful, after all.”</p><p>Janus bit harder against his cheek to prevent a reflexive gasp and could only hope his face didn’t appear as warm as it felt. This stupid crush needed to <em>stop</em>. He couldn’t <em>handle</em> this. Logan was simply being himself, there was no deeper meaning to it, dammit.</p><p>“What else are you charting in there?” Janus asked, moving to sit beside him and peer over. A surprised, but also, clearly excited look came over Logan’s features as he started to flip to other pages. It turns out had a chart for Roman’s creative blocks, Virgil’s panic attacks, Patton’s nightmares (something he <em>totally wouldn’t</em> be discussing with the emotional side later), and even recently began tracking Remus’ occasional bouts of mania.</p><p>As Logan explained his findings, Janus tried not to think about how little he truly knew about the logical side. He had once thought him to be pretentious and self-righteous and yet here he was, showing off the ways in which he too tried to look out for the others, albeit in his own <em>unique</em> way.</p><p>Janus also poitedly ignored the little voice in the back of his head (sounding suspiciously like Patton) that whispered, <em>‘He’s your soulmate too.’</em></p><p>True or not, it didn’t matter.</p><p>Janus and Logan made no sense together.</p><p>Until recently? All they had was a history of disdain for one another.</p><p>Patton and Logan’s relationship made sense. They seemed to understand each other in a way that was built on years and years of mutual support. Janus thought his and Patton’s relationship made sense too, in a sort of similar way. It was a bit different, but still. It was almost Schrödinger's understanding. The pair had been in absolute in sync with the other once upon a time, knowing each other as they knew themselves, but that was years ago. It was before creativity split and <em>certainly</em> before the sides had fractioned into arbitrary “good” and “evil” roles.</p><p>Janus knew an outdated version of his partner, but the deceptive side was still working to re-meet Patton over again and learn all that he could. Some of what he knew was still true, even after all these years Patton still loved peanut butter cookies, all animals were still cute to the emotional side, and he continued to apologize to inanimate objects when he bumped or dropped them, but there had been so much that changed too. Just the other day, Logan had taught Janus how to prepare Patton’s current favorite tea when the deceptive side mindlessly reached for the flavor, he and Patton had both favored once upon a time.</p><p><em>That</em> had been a moment that would be burned into Janus’ mind for the foreseeable future too, as Janus grabbed his favorite blend from the middle shelf and Logan wordlessly moved in behind him to pull another box of tea from the top of the cabinet that would have been just out of Janus’ reach.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>As the kettle began to whistle, Janus immediately opened the spout and moved it from the heat source to one of the still cool burners to quiet it. He already had two mugs at the ready on the counter in preparation. He pulled down the box Vanilla Almond teabags from the middle shelf and dropped the tiny package into one of the mugs. Just as he was about to reach for a second, he paused the motions, hearing footsteps behind him. Janus glanced in the direction of the sound, only to feel the warmth of a body press up against his back. He looked up as an arm reached over his shoulder and found himself trapped between the counter and Logan’s taller form. Janus had to stop himself leaning backwards against the radiating warmth he felt coming from the body behind him as Logan’s chin brushed against the back of his head. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That’s what he got for not wearing his hat that day, huh?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Patton prefers this one,” Logan said, setting down a nearly identical box that was a slightly darker shade of beige. “Plus a teaspoon of sugar.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hm?” Janus asked, trying to swallow down the stupid as his brain seemed to hit a wall, unable to quite get past the warm chest pressed against his back. </em>
</p><p>Logan’s<em> chest. Pressed against his back. And it was </em>warm<em>.</em></p><p>
  <em>Also, had Logan’s arms always been that defined? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was wondering for a friend of course.</em>
</p><p><em>“You’re making tea for yourself and Patton correct?” Logan asked, tipping his head to the side slightly as he asked, in a way that wasn’t </em>at all<em> charming. Janus was a bit too distracted to do much more than nod in return. “Then you’ll want to use this flavor instead. The last I was made aware; it was his favorite.”</em></p><p>
  <em>Vanilla Chai?</em>
</p><p><em>Since when had </em>that<em> happened? Janus never would have guessed Patton to have a preference for the spicier tea over the warm, comforting tones of the almond. Sure, the vanilla and sugar would have toned down some of the sharper flavors, but still. A blend of tea literally brewed with peppercorn seemed somehow unfitting for the side who preferred hot chocolate as his morning drink preference with extra whipped cream.</em></p><p>
  <em>“Would...” Janus started, trailing off as he side-stepped to give Logan some more room to access the cabinet.</em>
</p><p><em>“Yes?” Logan asked, staring down at Janus as he did. His head still tilted as he adjusted his glasses. Something about that stare made Janus feel fidgety. It vaguely reminded Janus of when two non-confrontational predators locked eyes in the wild, with no ill will toward the other. There was often this sort of awkward questioning moment as they stared at each other curiously, waiting to see the others intentions. It wasn’t quite sizing each other up either, more just a question of ‘</em>what will you do?<em>’</em></p><p><em>“Would you like some?” Janus asked, “There </em>isn’t<em> plenty of water prepared for an additional cup... if you wanted.”</em></p><p><em>Logan blinked once and the deceptive side must have done something right because Logan’s mouth twinged just slightly at the corners. It wasn’t a smile, but it wasn’t </em>not<em> a smile either. Then the Logical side broke their stare to simply pull a third box down that was similar to the other two in a dark khaki color.</em></p><p>
  <em>Earl Grey. </em>
</p><p><em>Well, at least </em>that one<em> made sense. It was sophisticated and zesty and </em>exactly<em> what Janus would have guessed.</em></p><p>
  <em>“I would love some.”</em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It felt like a spell was suddenly broken as upon Janus standing, Logan immediately grabbed the edge of his covers to make his bed like the upstanding role-model he was. Finally able to regain some composure, the snake side followed in Logan’s stead, lifting his fallen hat from the floor and replacing it on its spot at the crown of his head. It was when Logan gave his comforter a strong shake to banish the wrinkles that Janus noticed the plushy brown figure sitting amongst the remaining pillows with a tablet nestled against the wall.</p><p>“Is that a Dalek plush?” Janus asked with a sly half-grin as he stared at Logan’s suddenly frozen form.</p><p>“Um, well,” Logan started, staring at the floor as he fidgeted with a button on the sleep shirt he hadn’t changed out of yet. It seemed a thought occurred to him suddenly however as, all at once Logan’s head popped back up as he gave Janus an incredulous stare. “Wait, <em>you</em> watch <em>Dr. Who</em>?”</p><p>“Because a secretive protagonist who travels around, lying about who he is out of necessity to stop disaster after disaster is <em>absolutely</em> something outside the realm of things that would appeal to me,” Janus said with a smirk and a hand on his hip.</p><p>It was nice to be the composed one for once. It had been a foreign feeling to him recently. Before their competitive bout, the Logical side could cause him to fluster in anger as Logan talked informational circles around him. More recently though? It was for an entirely different reason.</p><p>“Oh,” Logan said, the surprise still clear in his tone and Janus could practically hear the unspoken, <em>‘Well, when you put it that way.’</em></p><p>“Also, Harkness is an icon.”</p><p>“I suppose he is,” Logan said with a snort. He let out a rare, easy laugh and <em>oh</em> if <em>that</em> didn’t make Janus’ stomach flip. “You <em>would</em> like the chaotic character with even less morals than the Doctor.”</p><p>Janus simply smirked in lieu of a audible rely. He wasn’t wrong. Logan didn’t seem to mind the lack of response, he appeared to take Janus silence as confirmation enough that he was correct.</p><p>“I think the bigger question is why <em>you</em> like it,” Janus said, crossing his arms over his capelet with an eyebrow raised. “I wouldn’t have expected all of that pseudo-science to really be your thing.”</p><p>“It isn’t usually,” Logan replied, pausing in his tidying to stare down at the bedding in his hands.</p><p>Janus made no move to interrupt him and simply leaned against the wall to make it clear he was more than comfortable with waiting.</p><p>“I get more than enough fantasy from Roman, but there are plenty of things in science fiction that were once believed to be impossible, that have been integrated into society now,” Logan explained with a thoughtful tone, but then his expression changed into something wistful and... and a little sad. “I also find the Doctor’s inability to be understood... relatable.”</p><p>Janus wasn’t really sure what to say to that. The tiniest bit of guilt began to creep in and press against his chest for all of the times he silenced the logical side. His previous exclusions of the logical side weren’t really meant as an attack <em>on</em> <em>him</em> so much a general awareness that if Logan didn’t take his side? Janus would lose any argumentative battles before they began. At the time, he had no fantasies that the lightside <em>would</em> take his side. They were enemies at best during those incidents and they had never really gotten along even before then. At the time, the deceptive side hadn’t taken into account how seriously Logan took his job. Janus only realized upon Logan still agreeing with him during the events of “Putting Others First,” that despite all he had done, that he had ejected the side who potentially would have been his greatest ally among the lightsides in those arguments. Janus wanted....</p><p>He wanted to apologize.</p><p>It’s just... he wasn’t really sure if Logan would believe him now even if he did.</p><p>“Would you...” Logan started, breaking Janus from his thoughts.</p><p>The deceptive side had found himself in his head a lot recently. There was so much he <em>thought</em> he knew and very little he was <em>right</em> about.</p><p>“Would you like to watch it together sometime?” Logan asked and there was something hesitant in his expression, almost vulnerable.</p><p>“Absolutely <em>not</em>,” Janus joked, knowing his grin would more than give him away. Humor was a <em>great</em> way to repress guilt right? “Sounds like a <em>dreadful</em> time.”</p><p>“Really?” Logan asked and his slightly widened eyes and lightened expression made it clear that he had understood the intent.</p><p>“I don’t see why not,” Janus said, moving towards the door. He <em>was</em> supposed to be retrieving the logical side after all. “Just know that Patton <em>won’t</em> get attached to all of the companions.”</p><p>A... strange look came over Logan’s features for a moment there. There was a wrinkle in his brow and just the slightest frown. Before Janus could wonder what he had said wrong, the moment passed and his face was neutral once more. “Patton would become attacked to K9.”</p><p>“Didn’t the <em>Doctor</em> become attached to K9?”</p><p>“Fair.”</p><p>Janus just aimed a shit eating grin Logan’s way. It wasn’t everyday after all that <em>he</em> got to be the one who was right <em>and</em> have Logan admit it. Logan stared back and Janus was proud to say that all signs of that sadness had banished itself from his expression. He even looked almost like he was trying to hide a tiny grin.</p><p>
  <em>Good.</em>
</p><p>In fact, he looked like he wanted to say something, so Janus kept quiet, waiting for his input. Logan had broken eye contact seemingly to mull over whatever it was, but he was apparently fighting with himself as his face went through a subtle array of expressions that were only noticeable to someone who knew what to look for. It wasn’t that Logan was lying to himself per say, but Janus could feel the a slight aura of half-truths coming from the logical side, which was also... odd.</p><p>It was unusual for Logan to lie, he tended to be the type to prefer uncomfortable truths.</p><p>Truly this was a day for rare occasions.</p><p>“So, breakfast?” Janus asked, reaching for the doorknob when Logan didn’t say anything further.</p><p>After Logan nodded, Janus wasted no time heading into the hallway, trusting the other side to follow behind. Logan took larger steps than normal to catch up, but matched Janus’ own stride once Logan reached him. The two walked side by side and it was actually kind of nice. With all of the big, loud personalities in the mindscape, including Janus himself on occasion, it was rare to find quiet during the day that wasn’t weighed down with awkward or upset atmosphere.</p><p>This was just... just quiet, pleasant and simple. Almost like a breath of atmosphere after a rainstorm.</p><p>“Good Morning!” their boyfriend cried enthusiastically as the pair stepped into the kitchen together.</p><p>The greeting was more for Logan’s sake than his own, of course. Janus had already gotten an excitably sweet greeting of his own that morning. Still though, as Logan’s expression turned absolutely dreamy when Patton surged forward, threading his arms around Logan’s back while he pushed up onto his toes to press a chaste kiss to the mouth, Janus wasn’t sure in that moment who he wanted to be more.</p><p>“What’s left?” Janus asked, after clearing his throat and trying to push down the feeling of being a third wheel.</p><p>“Oh, not much Honeydee,” Patton said, pulling one of his arms from around Logan to reach for his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. As the heart, he had an unfair advantage when it came to sensing any sort of emotional unrest that Janus sometimes envied. It certainly would make his own job slightly easier if he could read another person’s most prominent emotions.</p><p>It was a little embarrassing how reassuring the hand-holding actually was though.</p><p>“Why don’t you help Logan set the table?” Patton asked, not-so-subtly nodding Logan’s way as the logical side disengaged from Patton to grab some plates from the cabinet. Janus rolled his eyes and pushed passed his boyfriend to move toward the silverware drawer.</p><p>Though he appreciated Patton’s intention, Janus refused to have this conversation <em>again</em>.</p><p>Patton was convinced that now the whole soulmate situation was out in the open that things would just... work, like one of Roman’s fairytales. It wasn’t that simple though. It hadn’t even been that simple with <em>Patton</em>. He couldn’t imagine the kind of chaos the situation could bring if he even <em>tried</em> to pursue anything with Logan. Not only could it ruin the cordial relationship he and the logical side had developed as of late, it could also ruin their individual relationships with Patton as well.</p><p>Why risk it?</p><p>Logan was...</p><p>...was...</p><p>...not what he had expected</p><p>Janus willed his traitorous fluttering stomach to quiet as he thought over how to define it.</p><p>His relationship with Patton made <em>sense</em>. A relationship with Logan though? Soulmates or not, it just <em>didn’t</em>. They had no common ground to stand on and nothing to anchor the relationship to. It wasn’t as if they were particularly close before Janus had to retreat. Even in the time before, their interactions had been brief and often clipped as the two were regularly at odds with one anther. Logan invariably ran intellectual circles around Janus’ own reasoning whenever the deceptive side tried to help Thomas. Part of Janus’ job sometimes required him to act specifically on what <em>felt</em> right. Patton had understood that then, Logan not so much.</p><p>Janus nearly dropped the handful of forks he had grabbed as he felt Logan brush against him to move toward the table. It wasn’t willingly mind you, Patton had stood in the middle of the walkway with a big, cheeky grin on his face. The human barrier Patton created, forced Logan into his personal space as the logical side made his way to the table. Still, the poised nod of thanks Logan sent his way had Janus’ chest fluttering a bit erratically.</p><p>This was <em>not</em> good.</p><p>When Janus had gathered up the matching butter knives, Patton’s grin had turned downright smug as he grinned at Janus, like a kid who had annoyed their parents enough to get their way. Then when Patton realized he had Janus attention?</p><p>He fucking winked.</p><p>And people thought <em>Janus</em> was the dangerous plotter.</p><p>Patton was downright <em>devious</em> when he wanted to be.</p><p>Janus inwardly cursed his heart that still refused to slow and when Patton hip-bumped him while passing by to set a tray of pancakes on the table, he decided that both interpretations of that thought of the heart were true. Both it and Patton needed to calm themselves. Janus ignored his pushy boyfriend to grab a handful of napkins to set the silverware onto.</p><p>Once the three had settled down at the table, breakfast was a particularly relaxing affair that morning, despite the three empty seats. The absences had become their new normal. Logan seemed unperturbed by it, Janus put on his best unbothered face, even if it did sting a little, Patton however? That had become part of Janus’ and Logan’s shared job. They would suggest excuse after excuse of why they might be absent.</p><p>
  <em>They could be in the imagination that morning. Maybe the three slept in after a late night. Roman could be having a breakthrough with a story or script idea. Virgil’s always been a nigh owl. Maybe they’ll join next time.</em>
</p><p>Little possibilities of why each day the other sides refused to join in during shared meals. They were logical and totally plausible reasons, but they were also lies and the three sides at the table all knew it. They knew exactly why the others were absent. Well, that wasn’t <em>totally</em> fair. Remus actually did join them on occasion, he didn’t share in the other two’s grudge. However, his relationship with his brother and his once best friend seemed to be on the mend recently and fraternizing with their enemy too much was likely to reverse all of that progress, so Janus gave him his space.</p><p>Still, each day Patton grasped onto their offered reasons and let himself believe in them. The stress and hurt could be visibly seen washing away as he’d let himself smile once again, enjoying the breakfast and the their time together for what it was. Maybe he didn’t have his famILY in those moments, but he certainly had his partners.</p><p>With that aside the three would talk about Thomas’ schedule for the day. Logan would explain which tasks were planned and what was most important, Janus would interject mandatory breaks and sometimes even insist on rescheduling some things for a more balanced schedule, and Patton would input with what Thomas needed during the breaks to help him emotionally recharge based on what things he was currently most attached to.</p><p>They made a good team like this and Thomas hadn’t had an overwhelmed or overscheduled day since they started their new morning routine. There wasn’t much to be said that particular morning though. After a couple failed days of filming, he cleared his schedule for the day when Janus had insisted he take a break. There wasn’t much to be said about it given that with Thomas’ day off, they too had free time to relax.</p><p>“So, anything you two busy bodies want to do today? It’s not often that we get the whole day!” Patton asked, taking his plate and some of the serving dishes to the counter. Logan moved automatically behind him and began the process of packing up breakfast for the missing sides in the fridge.</p><p>Personally, Janus thought if they were going to be brats, they could make their own damn food, but Patton was insistent. Logan agreed with on purely on the basis that letting Virgil near a stove was historically disastrous. If anything started to go the slightest bit wrong or if a recipe wasn’t abundantly clear, he had a tendency to panic. Last time he caught a dish on fire, he tried to put it out by chucking it across the room. It worked technically... that time, but it could have as easily caught the wall on fire.</p><p>“I am uncertain. There are a few books on my reading list that I have not found the time for yet,” Logan said stowing the first of the pack-away breakfasts shut with a click.</p><p>Janus moved in and slipped his gloves into a hidden pocket within his capelet, knowing well that the two present sides no longer judged him for the scales scattered across his left side. He slid in beside Patton and started on the dishes of the morning. Patton smiled and positioned himself dutifully at the drying rack with a kitchen towel in hand.</p><p>“Logan <em>didn’t</em> have a show he wanted you to see,” Janus said, affectionately bumping Patton’s shoulder as he passed the first clean plate to be dried.</p><p>“Really?!” Patton asked, glancing Logan’s way excitedly.</p><p>“Yes, well... um,” Logan said, a bashful blush rising to his cheeks.</p><p>Janus smirked quietly to himself as the two talked logistics of their plan as he washed away. As Patton became more enthusiastic, Logan grew more shy. They really were precious, it was a wonder that Janus had ever actually feared the logical side, he seemed to be quaking at Patton’s casual affections.</p><p>“-and you’ll join us, right Jan?” Patton asked and Janus’ attention was suddenly pulled back into the actual topic of conversation.</p><p>“Um, well I wouldn’t want to intrude,” Janus said seriously. “Logan’s been respectful of our time together and I <em>don’t</em> want to show the same curtesy.”</p><p>Patton’s looked like he was about to say something as a sad, slightly pouty expression came over his face, but before he could, Logan had already cut in.</p><p>“But I invited you,” Logan said, moving in on Janus’s personal bubble of space. Patton was still at his other side and was an effective block from being able to back up any. He didn’t particularly want to move away from the sink and drip soapy water from his hands either. It appeared Logan had already finished his job of putting away the food, so there was no longer a task tethering him to the fridge area. “Did I do something to change your mind?”</p><p>“...no?” Janus wasn’t really certain how to reply. Logan stood in front of him looking strangely disappointed. “But... but I <em>won’t</em> just be getting in the way of your time....”</p><p>He was having trouble coming up with a better argument because Patton had already wrapped his arms around Janus’ middle and was muttering, “pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease,” into his shoulder.</p><p>Logan shook his head.</p><p>“I want you to be there.”</p><p>“I-”</p><p>Janus cut himself off as he felt Patton’s grip slip, then there was a sudden sharp, crashing sound of glass shattering against the tiled floor. Janus had turned toward the source to see Patton suddenly clutching the counter, shaking. He suddenly looked as if he was putting all of his energy in just keeping upright. Janus surged forward, immediately wrapping his arms around Patton’s back in support. He hadn’t even noticed that his additional arms had appeared when he did it as the heart was surrounded by arms from all sides.</p><p>“Be careful of the glass!” Logan warned breathlessly as if the shock had knocked the air from his lungs.</p><p>“What’s happening?!” Janus asked as Patton suddenly slumpped in his arms, sobbing against Janus’ chest.</p><p>“I’ll take him,” Logan muttered reaching out his arms to the emotional side, already positioning himself to carry him. The worry was clear in his eyes as if the verbal contraction alone wasn’t enough of a tell.</p><p>Janus didn’t fight it and immediately relinquished his grip. He didn’t <em>want</em> to let go, but from an emotional standpoint, the last thing Patton needed was for them to fight. From a logistical standpoint, Janus wasn’t sure he could lift Patton and he certainly wasn’t going to drag him through the glass, not with Logan <em>right there</em> and more than capable of carrying him.</p><p>“Take care of him,” Janus said swallowing back the urge to lie. It wasn’t the time for it. “I’ll take care of the glass.”</p><p>“That can wait,” Logan immediately insisted, shifting Patton in his arms as the emotional side clutched his shirt, hiccupping miserably. Logan supported Patton with his arm and freed a hand to reach for one of Janus’ own. “He needs you right now.”</p><p>Stunned, Janus nodded. Logan didn’t let go of Janus’ hand as he continued carrying Patton while leading the deceptive side safely through the shards. Janus and Logan shucked their shoes off as they made it to the living room, so as not to track glass. Janus helped remove Patton’s too before Logan sat the now concerningly quiet Patton down onto the couch.</p><p>“Patton’s at the center of Thomas’ emotions. Just as Thomas’ anxiety first passes through Virgil, so too do any emotions through Patton. Usually he can handle it, but....”</p><p>“But what?” Janus asked, he knew as the heart that Patton was at the center of Thomas’ emotions, but he hadn’t realized the emotional side was so overburdened by them. He had never done this when they were younger.</p><p>Logan seemed to be able to guess what he was thinking because after just a look in his direction, Logan explained, “Thomas’ emotions grew more complicated as he grew. If Thomas feels something strongly, its already been filtered through Patton.”</p><p>“Which means that Patton’s feeling them unfiltered.”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“Wait, but that means-” Janus muttered in horror, mainly to himself. At the trial, Janus had gone out of his way to challenge everything Thomas thought he knew, everything he <em>felt</em>. He had been doing it at the time to make a point, but....</p><p>Logan was knelt in front of the couch as Patton leaned into his shoulder. They slotted together so perfectly, like they were <em>meant</em> to be together and an uncomfortable feeling washed over Janus.</p><p>“Is this my fault?”</p><p>Logan looked his way and frowned before turning back to Patton and giving him a reassuring squeeze.</p><p>Janus just watched helplessly as a mixture of guilt and jealousy twisted knots in his stomach as he began to regret ever leaving the subconscious.</p><p>At least this wouldn’t have happened then, right?</p><p>“We’ll be right back, okay?” Logan said, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Patton’s head as he gently untangled the fingers clutching his shirt. “We wont even leave the room. I promise.”</p><p>Patton nodded listlessly, an unfocused expression on his tearstained face as he stared blankly at the wall. The gentleness Logan had displayed with him was contrasted by how quickly he had seized Janus’ sleeve, dragging him across the room.</p><p>“You cannot do that, not right now,” Logan said seriously.</p><p>“But I-”</p><p>“He’s <em>empathy</em>. If you start spiraling into guilt, it will only make him worse,” Logan explained.</p><p>Janus bit his cheek, breaking away from Logan’s stare to look at the floor as the guilt only grew.</p><p>This wasn’t exactly making him feel any better.</p><p>“Look,” Logan said, placing his hands on each of Janus’ shoulders. “This was <em>going</em> to happen eventually, with or without your interference. Maybe you sped up the process, but Thomas is in a shift and has been ever since Patton started becoming attached to Virgil. Patton’s roles of Morality and Empathy are at odds with each other. This is <em>not</em> your fault, do you understand me Janus?”</p><p>It took Janus a moment to processes the information, as he stuck out his tongue, tasting for any kind of lie that Logan might be telling him. There was none. Still, accepting Logan’s words were another matter. “I understand.”</p><p>“Good, because if you want to prevent Patton from suffering King’s fate, he’s going to need all of the support he can get.”</p><p>“Wait, he’s splitting?!” Janus asked, shooting a horrified glance in Patton’s direction, looking for any signs of flux. What would it mean for Thomas if the <em>heart</em> split? That could mean all sorts of trouble. Firstly, the Roman and Remus had shown that split sides combined tended to become stronger than they were originally as one, meaning that it would absolutely throw off the balance the sides had developed. Secondly, they would be strangers. They wouldn’t know the sides or have any of the bonds that Patton had developed, but most of all?</p><p>Janus didn’t want to lose him.</p><p>“Not yet,” Logan said, shaking his head in denial. “But he’s shown some of the early signs King did.”</p><p>That... wasn’t good.</p><p>“Something is going on with Thomas to make him feel tremendous amounts of guilt. Janus, whatever it takes, you need to let go of any personal guilt you’re feeling,” Logan said, moving a hand to cradle the deceptive side’s scaled cheek, guiding his gaze back up to meet his. “Not hide it or try to disguise it, but to accept and focus on the fact that at this moment you are doing the very best you can to help him.”</p><p>Janus left cheek felt like it was on fire as he felt Logan’s thumb brush lightly back and forth against the scales. Janus could feel every shift they made under the gentle ministrations.</p><p>“You seem <em>incapable</em> of handling this,” Janus said, his shaking voice couldn’t stop the lie.</p><p>“You’re right, I’ve been a band-aid at best. I fear he’s going to need all of us before he can heal enough to grow, for now though? He needs you and-”</p><p>Logan leaned down, his face only inches away from Janus’ own as he captured Janus’ right hand in his own.</p><p>“I need you too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Clear Skies?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Patton's okay... probably.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys. It has been a bit. I guess I'm back? To be totally honest with you, I didn't mean to go at all. I had an issue with my inner ear that was slowly making me increasingly disoriented and dizzy. I was getting hit with this odd unfocused waves whenever I sat down and tried to concentrate on like... anything. It took me a while to try and distinguish it from my normal migraines symptoms however so I didn't know what was going on. It was bad enough that when it was resolved, I actually struggled walking for a couple days because I had to relearn normal balance. </p><p>Anyway, I'm hoping to get to posting more regularly again, I'm not going to commit to any kind of schedule or anything yet cause this is still something I'm recovering from (this was only resolved a few days ago) and the holidays are coming up, but I haven't abandoned the soulmate September series (or any of its sequels that I promised either). So yeah, keep an eye out cause I hope I'll be more active again. I certainly have a bunch of WIPs I want to get out.</p><p> </p><p>Kinda edited, let me know if you see any mistakes please! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Janus was currently gritting his teeth in order to resist the urge to squirm. Some time in the hours that Janus had spent in the living room with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s boyfriend, Patton had crawled back into Janus’ six arms, pulling them around himself like a cage of comfort.</p><p>Even with a half of dozen limbs wrapped around him, the emotional side still found the wiggle room to pull Logan closer until the logical side was wrapped around them both. Now Janus was squished as Patton leaned against his chest, with Logan at his back. Together, their combined weight pushed Janus further into the corner crevices of the couch like he was some glorified throw pillow. The bigger problem however, was that the logical side’s arms reached around Patton until his hands settled a little above Janus hips. It technically wasn’t a bad arrangement by any means-Janus would never complain about the general warmth the other two generated-but the snake side truly was squished between all of the limbs, even if most of them were his own. With the head burrowed against his shoulder, Patton’s curls tickled lightly at his neck. Even worse was Logan’s fingertips tapping just lightly at his side, like he didn’t even realize he was doing it- like he <em>wasn’t</em> absolutely trying to ruin Janus’ evil mastermind persona by inducing him into a fit of laughter. He was <em>Deceit,</em> he would not be bested by mundane impulses, like the urge to <em>giggle</em> of all things.</p><p>Nope.</p><p>Janus would suffer silently until he was finally freed from this comforting hell.</p><p>Janus and Logan had spent the last several hours in the living room consoling and coddling a Patton who was in and out of a near-catatonic state. Some of it he was okay, but sometimes he’d just go completely still, his eyes glazed over like an android powering down. It was so unlike anything Janus had ever seen of Patton before, but Logan didn’t seem surprised.</p><p>“Depression,” Logan had explained to him when Janus aimed a questioning glance his way. “For Thomas, and in turn Patton, it’s usually induced by guilt. It’s like he’s an overclocked computer, feeling too much all at once until he eventually shuts down unable to process any of it.”</p><p>“When did this start though? He never did this when....” Janus cut himself off, not exactly sure how to broach that subject. While he and Patton had very openly discussed the past, Janus and Logan hadn’t had the greatest standing record when it came to their history.</p><p>“Almost immediately after you left,” Logan said indifferently and oh <em>so</em> quietly, it was barely vocalized at all.</p><p>Janus swallowed, guilt crawling uncomfortably up his throat not for the first time that day. He remembered Logan’s words like a mantra, trying to remind himself why he was here.</p><p><em>“This is </em>not<em> your fault, do you understand me Janus?”</em></p><p>It was hard to remember when it certainly <em>felt</em> like his fault.</p><p>“Maybe it was everything that happened,” Logan whispered after Janus’ lack of response, “or maybe he just didn’t know how to be himself anymore without everyone, but just like everyone else, Patton changed after the split.”</p><p>There was an unspoken <em>‘without you’</em> hanging in the air between them that Janus was trying very hard to not let eat him alive. Even more concerning though, was the look that came over Logan’s deep blue eyes. Something distant. Something <em>lost</em>. Everyone compared blue eyes to the ocean or the sky, but in that moment Logan’s reminded him nothing so much as the distant Neptune. Ethereal and unreachable and otherworldly. Appearance wise, that stare was adjacent enough to the unfocused hollow gaze Patton aimed at the wall that it made Janus feel a bit uneasy. Patton was robotic enough as it was at the moment. Janus wasn’t certain he could handle Logan going into a sort of spaced out mind-coma too.</p><p>“What about you?” Janus asked.</p><p>“Hm?” Logan hummed, blinking a couple times as his stare turned back Janus’ way.</p><p><em>Good</em>, Janus thought. If he had to demand their attention to keep them from going mentally comatose then he would damn well do it. “How did you change?”</p><p>Logan shot him a funny look. There was something interesting about asking a question that you not only knew the answer to, but knew the answer you’d get as well when those two answers didn’t align.</p><p>“I’m <em>logic</em>,” Logan emphasized, “I don’t change.”</p><p><em>Bullshit</em>.</p><p>Janus wisely kept the thought to himself, but it didn’t stop him from expressing his thoughts on the matter by shooting a smug raised eyebrow Logan’s way. The other side lifted his chin slightly, pretending he didn’t know what Janus was implying.</p><p>Of course Logan had changed.</p><p>Maybe more than any of them.</p><p>The king didn’t exactly <em>change</em> per say, he split. He disappeared. He stopped being in a sense and instead, became two new things. As far as the darksides went, the subconscious had pushed survival adaptations on them as they had to deal with some of the other things that crawled between it and the deeper parts of the mind. They became a little darker, a little bleaker, and a tiny bit more animalistic. Underneath the new walls of survival, Janus didn’t really believe any of them were all that different than they were years before, they had just taken on a new edge. Like a finally sharpened blade.</p><p>Janus held to the belief that any of the lightsides would have done the same if their situation had been reversed.</p><p>It was hard to explain how Patton had changed, it was almost impossible to find a pattern in which things he grew out of and which things he still held close. He changed and he hadn’t. He was still the love that Janus remembered, but with a new layer of morality on top to complicate it. A job that layered a new identity over his base existence. Not that Janus could say much in that regard considering the role of deceit that had settled into his psyche.</p><p>Logan though? Logan was the one who had changed the least in what he was <em>supposed</em> to do and changed the most in <em>who</em> <em>he was.</em> Logan had stopped being cold hard logic a long time ago it seemed, he was softer, more considerate. He was kind truths and hopeful possibilities.</p><p>Before Janus could even attempt to send a dry and sarcastic comment Logan’s way about how <em>of course</em> he hadn’t changed <em>at all</em>, it was Patton who wiggled within Janus many arms, seemingly ‘reawakened’ from his latest unresponsive trance.</p><p>“Well, hello there love,” Janus purred as suavely and playfully as he could manage as the deceitful side ran his bare fingers through Patton’s loose curls.</p><p>Anything to get him to smile....</p><p>“<em>Crux,</em>” Patton mumbled, staring directly his way and Janus was blessed with a sleepy grin. Patton didn’t seem to be completely there yet. It was almost half-conscious stare, like those fuzzy movements between dreaming and wakefulness. The unfocused, dazed look still lingering told Janus that Patton didn’t have all his awareness back though. He might not even understand what was happening yet.</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Logan asked Patton in that same, barely there sound that was little more than a breath swaying around an otherwise silent room. He cupped Patton’s cheek in his hand so gingerly the emotional side might as well been greenware clay, as if he’d crumble right there under Logan’s fingertips if the logical side wasn’t careful.</p><p>In a way, it was almost agonizing to watch the amount of care Logan handled their shared partner. Given the emotional side’s affinity for spontaneous hugs that were <em>never</em> careful and prone to cause some level of injury for all parties involved, the carefulness truly said more toward the logical side’s character than Patton’s fragility.</p><p>“Reeree,” Patton slurred out, reaching with grabby hands Logan’s way. “You never come and visit us.”</p><p>“I apologize for that,” Logan murmured back, catching Patton’s hand midway to press a kiss against his palm. “I will strive to do better in the future.”</p><p>A grin overtook Patton’s face as he shifted partly off of Janus to cuddle closer to Logan’s side.</p><p>It was then that Janus began to feel like an intruder again, particularly when Logan’s eyes began misting up and he had to release Patton’s face to wipe away a sudden stray tear. After replacing his glasses, Logan reached around Patton’s neck to press a gentle kiss against his crown that only seemed to make the goofy grin on Patton’s face grow.</p><p>Wait.</p><p>“Did... did he just call you reason?” Janus asked, trying to suppress the cautious edge that overtook his internal dialogue. If Patton <em>was</em> confused, the last thing he needed right now was for Janus to make it worse by distressing him.</p><p>“Well that’s his name of course silly,” Patton said with a giggle and reached over to lightly bop Janus’ nose. “You know that.”</p><p>“Not for many years now. We changed it when the twins came and took on names of their own,” the logical said. “It’s Logan now.”</p><p>Patton titled his head, and as objectively cute as Patton’s confused head tilt was, there was something devastating behind it, or maybe just the idea of it. A heart who didn’t remember everything that he had come to know and love.</p><p>“But....” Patton said, trailing off and his gaze became distant again, but differently so. It looked less like he was dead-eyed and more like he was searching for something as his big, widened eyes fluttered back and forth between Janus and Logan wildly like the rapid beat of a humming bird’s wings as he seemed to search their gazes for answers.</p><p>“Patton?” Janus asked, capturing one of the heart’s hands in his own as Logan grasped the other.</p><p>“...Patton...” the emotional side whispered, almost awkwardly as if the name was unfamiliar in his mouth. “That’s my name, isn’t it?”</p><p>“<em>Yes,</em>” Logan emphasized, pressing another kiss against his hair, “very good.”</p><p>“L-logan?” Patton asked hesitantly, he looked at Logan as if the side was both strange and familiar to him all at once.</p><p>“Correct again,” Logan said. Something about his gaze was both perturbed and unsurprised, as if this was something he had seen before. </p><p>Just what had happened in the time that the sides separated?</p><p>By this point, Patton just looked frustrated as he bit down hard enough on his bottom lip that it looked painful, still glancing between the two sides in front of him as if there was some big mystery to be solved.</p><p>“Janus?” Patton finally asked, his gaze settling on the snake side.</p><p>“Good,” Logan muttered, giving his hand another quick kiss.</p><p>Janus wasn’t sure if it was meant to be an encouragement or if it was just a habit Logan had developed in grounding himself, because Patton didn’t pay any mind to the action. He just stared intently and directly into Janus’ eyes, still searching, waiting.</p><p>“I’m here,” Janus said after a moment, his tone was slightly raspy from getting surprisingly choked up. He didn’t exactly know all of the details of what was going on, but it ominous how much it reminded him of when King started showing signs of splitting.</p><p>The then, single side of creativity was confused, struggled to recognize anyone and started to sound distinctly not himself. There were times that he became suddenly chivalrous and charming. King had always been the adventurous type, but he had a thirst for new things, this was different, he had started living through the stories he had heard. Other times the thirst for newness took over, but there was an edge to it. Creation stopped being necessarily for creation’s sake and started being a satiation of curiosity of any kind. In those times he’d go slightly manic and unfocused.</p><p>Hindsight has since re-framed those memories and led Janus to realize that it was the first signs of the twins starting to poke through an unstable King. However, King’s separation had occurred over the course of days, maybe weeks at most if the early signs went misunderstood and Janus remembered it as a time full of panic on all sides. This was... this just appeared to be different somehow. Maybe it was just that Logan seemed so used to it, he was so calm. It was like he had a script ready or maybe a checklist of actions to take. There was just something almost uncanny about it.</p><p>Just how long has this been going on?</p><p>Patton’s shoulders just slumped at Janus’ response, as if all of the tension suddenly left his body at once. The emotional side laid himself back between Logan and Janus and let out all of the air in his lungs in something between a calming breath and a deep sigh.</p><p>“It happened again didn’t it?”</p><p>“You are going to be alright,” Logan responded, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He pulled Patton close and began running a comforting hand up and down his thigh.</p><p>Janus mirrored Logan’s actions, wrapping an arm behind Patton’s back as he began whispering sweet, reassuring nothings to him. Patton relaxed further in their joint grasp, putting one hand over Logan’s and grasping the hem of Janus’ shirt with the other. Stress resonated from Patton outward as both Janus and Logan tried their best to act as a balm against the wound Patton was struggling against.</p><p>“You are Patton and you are enough just as you are,” Logan murmured against Patton’s neck in a repeating mantra. “You are enough.”</p><p>Janus felt like he should be doing something, anything more than just sitting here. Janus wanted to find the source of whatever was causing Patton so much distress and immediately put an end to it. It made no sense. Thomas was having a relaxing day off wasn’t he? If anything, Patton should be thriving. It wasn’t often that Thomas took rest days and he always enjoyed things just a little bit more when he did. Whatever this was, Janus didn’t understand it and he couldn’t fight what he didn’t understand.</p><p>Still.</p><p>He felt like he should be doing... something... anything.</p><p>Logan seemed to have this whole methodology down where as Janus felt useless as he did little more than just exist in the same place. Though, Patton clung to him as if he were a lifeline in turbulence, so the snake side figured he must have been doing at least something right, however small.</p><p>“Thank you,” Patton whispered, looking exhausted despite the amount of rest the three of them had gotten throughout the morning. Still, he straightened his spine and then suddenly tried to push himself off the couch.</p><p>Logan let out the smallest of grunts and tightened his grip, holding Patton in place so he couldn’t leave.</p><p>“Lo, I gotta get up,” Patton proclaimed, trying to scootch forward to the edge of the cushion. Janus hooked a finger through one of Patton’s belt loops in response as he too locked his grip into place. As soon as Patton realized it, he looked Janus’ way with a face that clearly accused, ‘Traitor!’</p><p>“What you need to do is rest, you and I both know the toll this takes on you,” Logan said evenly toned, as he brushed a stray curl behind Patton’s ear.</p><p>“Thomas isn’t doing well,” Patton said, frowning. “I really need to go check on the others, what if something’s gone wrong? Roman could be in danger or maybe Remus could be having a crisis again?”</p><p>“You’d already know it if he was,” Janus replied. Remus didn’t exactly hide it when it happened, he let them fully hear the damage he caused on his destructive path when the intrusive thoughts took too much of a toll for coherency.</p><p>“What if Virgil’s having a panic attack then?”</p><p>“The twins have both been nearly constantly with him and they both know what to do should it occur.” Logan replied.</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“No buts,” Logan replied, quirking an eyebrow at Patton’s snort.</p><p>Patton clamped his mouth shut tightly as if the action alone was the only thing preventing him to make any comments about butts.</p><p>It really was a shame that he and Remus weren’t closer.</p><p>“If it’s only going to continue worrying you dear, I will go check on them,” Janus said, pulling away to stand in Patton’s stead. “Continue to fret while I’m gone however, by all means.”</p><p>Janus grinned and winked at Patton teasingly.</p><p>“Only if you don’t shape shift into me.”</p><p>“Promise,” Janus said, pulling his best and most outlandishly insincere “angelic” face.</p><p>It was enough to make Patton stick out his tongue and Logan shake his head. </p><p>“Okay,” Janus said as if put upon with a laugh, “No shape shifting.”</p><hr/><p>After a quick, affectionate shoulder squeeze and a promise to return quickly, Janus made his way down the hallway and found his steps quickening as he began to worry about how Virgil was handling this. The anxious side may not want to see him, but better that then him potentially suffering alone... right? Maybe. Honestly Janus wasn’t sure what Virgil would consider the better option at the moment.</p><p>Upon checking the purple-doored room, Janus found the darkened nightmare zone devoid of the side, but that would have just been normal protocol if Virgil started having an anxiety attack. However, when he found Roman’s room empty as well, Janus had to force himself to stay calm (lest he screw up the numbers on Logan’s chart). Was it possible they were in the imagination? That certainly wasn’t a good place for Virgil during a panic attack. It was too easy to manifest something... bad...unless.... They wouldn’t be in Remus room... right?</p><p>That was <em>definitely</em> not an ideal place for Virgil if he was having a panic attack.</p><p>As the deceitful side shifted his direction toward the creative side’s room, Janus almost found himself breaking out into a run. He definitely wouldn’t be there right? He knew that Remus and Virgil were getting along better these days, but... still. There was a time that Virgil would have been almost immune to the effects of the intrusive room from building up a tolerance, but Janus wasn’t certain it was still true since his separation. It wasn’t as if Virgil entered the creative’s room on the daily anymore... or maybe he did now? It was honestly hard for Janus to tell where Virgil really stood on anything when the anxious side tried to stay out of Janus’ general vicinity.</p><p>The only thing Janus knew for certain is that Virgil didn’t approve of his former friend in any sense.</p><p>When Janus made it to the green door, he found himself barging in without knocking, knowing that Remus wouldn’t really care. Virgil might have, if he were in there, but Remus always claimed he had nothing to hide.</p><p>“Virgil?!” Janus cried, his worry taking over as he jerked open the door, paying no mind to the unsettlingly fleshy walls and floor cluttered with random art supplies and...art supply...substitutes.</p><p>“He’s not here,” Remus said simply from the floor where he sat cross-legged with a canvas in his lap. He had a motors and pestle at his side where he was crushing a variety of dead insects and using them in lieu of paint. “Ro-bro and Virgy-kins went to pay Thomathy a visit! They’re out in the real world...without me...”</p><p>The smile Remus must have forced upon Janus entering slowly fell as he stared hard at the canvas in his lap. Janus couldn’t really make out any of the figures on it, but he could distinctly see it was covered in purple, red, and green.</p><p>“...again.”</p><p>Though Remus trailed off to almost a whisper that Janus probably wasn’t supposed to hear, the preservative side found himself still breathing a small sigh of relief, knowing that Virgil wasn’t letting himself be influenced by Remus’ room. Virgil’s anxieties were usually tangible things, based at least marginally in reality of what technically could be true. However, when overwhelmed by Remus’ room, Virgil went into full delusion mode as his fears stopped being based in reality and started increasingly edging that fantastical line of paranoia. Janus thought it might be one of the reasons he had such an interest in conspiracy theories. They acted as a reminder that Virgil’s worries were normal in comparison.</p><p>Janus was drawn from his thoughts as what Remus said actually began to click. Roman and Virgil had gone off into influence Thomas directly, without telling anyone and left the one other side they were associating with behind. Janus quickly moved next to Remus, shoving aside a pile of who-knows-what as he knelt down by the creative side. It was only then that Remus bothered to look up from his canvas. How immediately he set it aside to lean against Janus’ shoulder spoke depths to Janus. He’d always been pretty independent, rarely needing encouragement and yet....</p><p>He was clearly not okay.</p><p>The pair just stayed like that for a moment and Remus seemed almost content when Janus passed a gloved hand over his wild and unkempt locks.</p><p>“Were they summoned?”</p><p>Remus snorted. “As if. It’s more like harassment on their part at this point. They’ve been headed out every time Tom-bomb so much as says he’s okay.”</p><p>The creative waved a hand, summoning a small green fire within his hands that spread outwards into a ring. It was essentially a little viewing screen, an ability of Remus’ as a creative side that they had often used to spy on the lightsides in the past. There was a caveat however, they could only use it to see a single layer of depth away from where they were. In the subconscious, they could only as far as the lightsides in the consciousness, with no ability to reach Thomas himself. In the consciousness however? They could see into reality directly.</p><p>In the past it had been a pain, because it meant whenever they wanted to spy on the lightsides interfering with Thomas in the real world, they had to essentially pull a mission impossible and sneak their way into the consciousness without getting caught.</p><p>However, now they lived here and no one could stop them, dammit.</p><p>The ring of flame flickered and an image formed itself in the center. There stood a forlorn Thomas with Virgil flanking him on his left, hands shoved in his pockets with a generally grumpy expression on his face. Roman stood to Thomas’ right and looked absolutely anguished.</p><p>“You did it again,” Virgil muttered</p><p>“Yeah, I gotta stop wooing strangers in bathrooms,” Thomas replied with a sigh.</p><p>“You know what I meant. The rehearsing in the bathroom, the old friend in the food court, the plant, the pretending, the hiding, the god forsaken boiled carrots... the lies,” Virgil accused, as if Thomas had committed some heinous crime.</p><p>“I so, so badly want this. I’m desperate for it, but you can’t have true love if the relationship isn’t built on truth,” Roman narrated,</p><p>“If this is the foot we start on, what’s it going to be like down the road? Will deceit continue to be the answer to all of your problems?-”</p><p>“Enough-” Janus whispered or cried, or both. He wasn’t certain. He didn’t want to hear this. Janus waved his free hand through the flames, banishing the image away. His chest was tight and he suddenly felt exhausted.</p><p>Virgil refused to even use his name....</p><p>Did it matter any how hard he had been trying?</p><p>It seemed not.</p><p>Remus scooted even closer, looking even more miserable as he wrapped an arm around Janus’ back and they took a shared moment comfort through simple connection.</p><p>Why did Janus suddenly feel so tired?</p><p>“I suppose I should have expected the guilt to come from an internal source,” Janus said, steeling his voice into professional tone. Like he wasn’t absolutely crushed or anything. “Patton’s <em>not</em> been struggling with this guilt-trip at all.”</p><p>Remus hummed, noncommittally. There was a time he would have laughed. Well, there was a time both of them would have, but that wasn’t now. Now, Janus’ insides were absolutely twisted with an overwhelming concoction of both worry and betrayal and Remus didn’t seem to be far off from feeling the same if the tightness of his jaw was any hint.</p><p>“We’re never really going to be accepted, are we?” Remus asked, lifting his head to stare at Janus with a rare, serious look, “Not like Virgil is, at least.”</p><p>“I <em>know</em> that we are.”</p><p>They both knew it was a lie, but Remus still seemed a little grateful for it as he pulled Janus in for a tighter hug. After a moment, the pair let the tension release from their grips, just holding each other loosely side to side as if to say ‘I’m here.’</p><p>“How’s Pattypop getting along?” Remus asked finally. He seemed unable to stand the silence any longer.</p><p>“Absolutely <em>fine</em>,” Janus said grimly and Remus squeezed him a little tighter once more in a show of comfort.</p><p>And they had called Remus heartless....</p><p>The deceitful side started to feel a bit conflicted as he began to pull away. The room around him painted a grim picture, washed in uncharacteristically dull, earthy colors. It was eons away from the eccentric neons and contrasting deep colors that acted as the blinding pallet that the room usually took. Everything looked as if it was covered in a layer of grey-wash. There were individual oddities too. The sentient honeysuckle vines that acted as the canopy for Remus’ bed looked unusually lifeless, like they weren’t going to wrap around and snatch the next imagination escapee as a midnight snack. There was also no music playing. Remus loved musicals as much as his brother did if his entrance song wasn’t enough of a clue to the lightsides. He just liked... different ones. So it was strange not to hear the soundtrack of <em>Sweeny Todd</em> or <em>Repo the Genetic Opera</em> or any of the other dark musicals playing in the background. Remus constantly sang along with some of the catchy, weird, and sometimes gruesome tunes. As much as Janus appreciated moments of silence in the always buzzing mindscape, in Remus’ room it felt almost suffocating without some kind of distracting noise. Strangest of all however, was the fact that Tellaro, Remus’ pet octopus, was absolutely lifeless in his tank. Had he not been born from the imagination and had Janus not known for a fact that he was unable to die by conventional means, the snake side would have thought Remus’ beloved pet had passed as it sat nearly motionless at the bottom of his habitat.</p><p>Something was wrong here too. There in front of Janus was his best and most loyal friend, his only friend for a long while, and he was alone. Janus wanted to get back to Patton and check that he was still okay, still himself, as Janus had been internally panicking about the idea of his boyfriend splitting since the idea had been presented to him. He wanted to go out into the real world and yell himself hoarse at the two sides who were so wrapped up in moral purity that they blinded themselves to the damage they were causing.</p><p>But he also wanted to stay.</p><p>“You know, you can’t join us... if you wanted,” Janus proposed, crossing his arms and trying his best to look unaffected by the answer. Truly? He missed Remus. It had been hard in the past months to be separated from him in a bid for him to try and rekindle his other relationships. Janus and Remus had always had each other (at least since the sides factioned) and while Janus didn’t believe that changed since joining the lightsides, there had been a distinct rift between them.</p><p>Maybe that was his own fault.</p><p>Remus’ eyes widened and he blinked once, twice, processing the statement as if it were some foreign language. Had he truly expected anything less? Then the creative side stretched his legs out and leaned back on his hands as he schooled his face into something that pretended to be nonplussed, cocky even. “You sure you want that? Didn’t want to spook away your new beaus or anything.”</p><p>It was then that a wave of realization hit Janus and he found himself physically straightening his back as the momentarily enlightenment washed through him. He wanted to face palm. They both knew better than this self-sacrificing bullshit, why had that changed?</p><p>…They were idiots weren’t they?</p><p>Had they really been avoiding each other... for each other?</p><p>It was like some kind of metaphysical wall shattered around him as he realized that he and Remus had been trying so hard to be accepted by the lightsides, that they had fallen into the trap of trying to do things the lightsides’ way when Janus’ whole point had been that the lightsides’ way wasn’t working.</p><p>While adapting was an inevitability, it went both ways. the lightsides were just going to have to get used to some of their ‘dastardly’ behavior if this was going to work.</p><p>“You’re right, you are officially banned from the living room then,” Janus said with a smirk.</p><hr/><p>And that was how Remus joined them in the living room. He positioned himself on the couch with Patton as the two sat at each end, but faced each other with coloring books in their laps and a giant box of crayons between them.</p><p>Remus had initially wanted to use more of his bug-based paint, but Janus had managed to convince him that the crayons had a better color selection when Patton had shown interest in coloring too. The creepy creatures coloring books seemed as if they were here to stay however. Surprisingly, Patton didn’t appear to mind much after Remus had taken his copy and systematically ripped out every page that had some kind of spider-like creature on it before handing it back to him. In fact, it was acting as a surprisingly good distraction as the emotional side put all his focus on trying to make the monsters “adorable.” Patton was currently in the process of coloring Cthulhu bubble-gum pink with a rainbow going across the background. He even gave the Lovecraftian god a powder blue bow.</p><p>“-and then the wolfman descends on the scene to eat the Elder God!” Remus declared, smashing a coloring page of his own against the picture Patton was still working on, knocking the glitter crayon out of Patton’s hand. His depicted a bipedal wolf creature with blood dripping from its maws as his claws were at the ready. It would have looked menacing if it were more detailed, but the crayon gave it enough of a cartoonish edge that it was almost kind of cute.</p><p>“Oh no!” Patton declared, giggling as he tried to wiggle the book away. “The squid monster-”</p><p>“Cthulhu,” Logan corrected, not even glancing up from his Agatha Christie novel.</p><p>“-the Cathyloo attacks back!” Patton grinned and whacked Remus playfully on the shoulder with the paper-bound book. “With hugs!”</p><p>As Janus watched the pair and the scene made him feel a warmth he wasn’t prepared for. They were just sitting on the couch coloring. It wasn’t a big deal really.</p><p>Except that it was.</p><p>Logan had relinquished his place at the couch to give the other two some room in their decorative endeavors as he relaxed in one of the chairs with his book in one hand. There was the tiniest of smiles on his face and Janus was suspicious of how long it had been since the logical side turned a page in his book, but wasn’t about to call him out on it.</p><p>Janus had taken a seat by the window and had similarly pretended to watch the scenery, keeping an eye on the others in his peripheral.</p><p>He wanted to check on Thomas though.</p><p>He didn’t like this. Something still felt wrong. Patton seemed okay at the moment, but that didn’t mean everything <em>was</em> okay.</p><p>The others appeared content enough in their distractions, so he took the moment to slip toward the kitchen with a mumbled excuse of, “Tea being a <em>terrible</em> afternoon refreshment.”</p><p>The kettle was on the burner within moments and he had made certain to use as cold of water as possible, leaving the burner at a medium temperature to slow the boil process. It would buy him a few extra minutes at least and no one would be suspicious of the kettle not eventually whistling. It was essentially now his timer.</p><p>The deceitful side took a breath and steadied himself. As he breathed out, the scales on his left side began to glow in an outline of yellow as he felt his own powers crawling down his skin. He always felt more real somehow when he used them, could breathe a little easier, feel a little more.</p><p>As his powers settled, Janus could finally see the yellow glow shining between the cracks of reality. The beautiful brokenness of what <em>is </em>and what’s <em>supposed to be</em>. He could see it all, the crumbling depths that people hold on to and try to claim are “facts” and “truth.” It was Janus’ job as self-preservation to plaster the cracks, even if his material didn’t always match the original mediums.</p><p>“<em><strong>Thomas, it’s okay to protect yourself</strong></em>,” Janus said but it was as if two voices spoke at once. It was his voice and a softer version of it, something more akin to how he once used to sound. “<em><strong>You don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t owe them yourself or your mind. It’s okay, you can-</strong></em>”</p><p>The sound of a throat being cleared interrupted Janus as he suddenly whipped around, the glow already starting to dim from his scales at the interruption.</p><p>“It’s odd to see your eyes the same color these days,” Logan remarked. “Then again, your eyes were both ochre back then.”</p><p>“Funny how things change,” Janus said feeling the last wisps of power fade from his eyes returning them from the bright glowing yellow back to the mismatched pair. The right faded back to its usual ochre, but the bright yellow never quite left his snake eye. “Did you need something? I <em>totally wasn’t </em>concentrating or anything.”</p><p>“You said there would be tea,” Logan stated simply. He only looked the tiniest bit smug as he moved to stand in front of the stove beside Janus as they collectively watched the flames warping across the steel of the kettle’s surface. “I know what you’re doing.”</p><p>“I wasn’t trying to hide it,” Janus said, uncertain of his own sincerity. He wasn’t, but he kind of was.</p><p>“Of course not.”</p><p>A moment of silence spanned between them and neither moved.</p><p>“<em>Someone</em> has to do something,” Janus said, breaking the increasingly stretching silence.</p><p>“You’re right.”</p><p>“Virgil and Roman aren’t enough!” Janus huffed when the kettle interrupted his train of thought as it began to squeal. He popped the spout to silence it and moved it to one of the other burners, undecided if it was to truly become the tea he had previously proclaimed. “They’re going- going to...”</p><p>“Going to what?” Logan asked, tilting his head slightly.</p><p>“Hurt him!” Janus proclaimed with a groan. “They’re not- they don’t-”</p><p>Janus looked miserable as he buried his face in his gloved hands.</p><p>Logan shifted toward Janus, putting a hand against his shoulder. The frustration was coming off the deceitful side in waves. With hunched shoulders, he emitted stress like heat from an overclocked radiator.</p><p>“Do you really believe that?” Logan asked. The question was simple enough, but the answer was harder, more complicated.</p><p>
  <em>YES!</em>
</p><p>Janus wanted to scream it out and make Logan see his perspective, make him realize how <em>wrong</em> this was.</p><p>
  <em>Why couldn’t he just fix it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What was he doing wrong?</em>
</p><p>“...No,” Janus finally muttered and physically deflated with a groan, because the answer was complicated.</p><p>No he didn’t believe they would hurt him, not intentionally at least. If something <em>truly</em> bad, truly <em>dangerous</em> happened, he knew they would do anything to protect Thomas, even if that meant getting help from a side they disdained.</p><p>Logan moved in closer, his hand crept across Janus’ shoulder and settled behind his neck and Janus froze. It took all his concentration to suppress a shiver. Logan stared down at him unblinking, it was baffling how composed he held himself, he looked almost relaxed while Janus was <em>reeling.</em></p><p>“We’ve all been hurt,” Logan muttered. “We’ve all hurt each other. You’re trying, but you must remember that <em>so are they</em>.”</p><p>Logan leaned back slightly, pulling his hand away from Janus’ neck. The snake side thought Logan would take a step back and he’d get a moment to breathe finally, but that wasn’t the case as the logical side instead reached up with both hands to straighten Janus’ hat. The tiniest pleased smile came across Logan’s face as he finished adjusting it.</p><p>“Trust them,” Logan said with a sense of finality in his voice. Janus <s>hoped?</s> thought he might wrap a hand around his neck again or maybe his back as Logan’s hand reached up again, but this time he just gave Janus a small, pat that would have been reassuring...</p><p>…if it weren’t so disappointing.</p><p>“Not to interrupt whatever sexual tension shit you’ve got going on in here,” Remus said from the edge of the kitchen with a hand on his hip, “But your collective boy toy just gasped, fell off the couch, and immediately ran outside.”</p><p>“He what?!”, “Patton’s where?!” Janus and Logan voiced simultaneously and looked first toward each other for the answer, but wasted no time waiting for it as they both immediately took off in a sprint toward the back door. Janus grabbed Remus’ hand on the way and dragged him along too. He wasn’t getting out of this, he was certified famILY after all.</p><p>Thankfully, it wasn’t a long search. There Patton was, just outside the backdoor leant forward against the deck rail. He faced the sky, looking up, up, <em>up</em> with his back curved and his neck arched back as far as it would naturally go. He straightened and turned toward the sound of the backdoor opening after a moment of delay. Janus was immediately baffled. He could see tears streaming down his boyfriend's face while his mouth was stretched out in the biggest smile that Janus had seen on his face in a <em>long</em> time.</p><p>“Isn’t it just <em>gorgeous</em>?” Patton asked, reaching both his hands out, one to each of his boyfriends.</p><p>Both Logan and Janus took his hands immediately and pulled them to the rail too, Remus trailing along too given that Janus refused to let him go. Not again. They all looked up toward the setting sun as the sky was bathed in a watercolor blend of pinks and purples and oranges.</p><p>“No clouds,” Remus said, uncharacteristically quiet as he blinked several times and rubbed his eyes. “I’ve never seen it without clouds... does that...?”</p><p>“It means Thomas is happy,” Patton said with a watery smile.</p><p>Remus’ jaw hung open just slightly as he stared up at the sky in just absolute wonderment. He didn’t even seem to notice it when Patton reached around Janus to give his arm an encouraging squeeze.</p><p>“You’re right,” Logan said, wrapping his fingers between Patton’s own and if the heart’s smile could have widened anymore, it would have. “It’s absolutely beautiful.”</p><p>“Stunning,” Janus agreed, a little astounded himself. It’d been <em>so long</em> since he’d seen the mindscape have a clear sky. They couldn’t see it from the subconscious.</p><p>However, it was Logan who was right this time.</p><p>Janus should have trusted them.</p><p>…</p><p>That didn’t however mean they were forgiven for sneaking off.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this was getting stupidly long. I decided to break it up into two chapters as I finished up the ending. My new jobs been going sorta-mostly well. Still having some of the "settling in" rough patches as I figure out expectations. Also still figuring out my schedule (as if you couldn't tell from the lack of updates.)</p><p>--</p><p>Also, I have a tumblr. Same username. You can come say hi, generally bug me, or even yell at me if that's what you want. I generally keep my ask box open and I can info-dump about any of these stories forever.</p><p>This story is part of the <a>LLF Comment Project</a>, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:</p><p>Feedback</p><ul>
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